Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
