i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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