i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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