my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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