Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
