Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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