I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
