Dual....:-)
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
