So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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