my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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