I didn't shave. On purpose
You can't special order awesome
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
