dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
