I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
