I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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