How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All the doctor said was why
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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