shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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