i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
