I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
