He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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