i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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