listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
