I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
