You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
