doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
