Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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