I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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