Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
