My liver just broke up with me...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
