There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
