btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
