she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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