OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
