I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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