he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
