"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
