If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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