i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
