this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
