I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
