Sry I called you an 8
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
