Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
