Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
