Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
