How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
