your parents love me but you hate me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
