Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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