How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
