I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
