Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
