I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
