you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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