I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
