They should really pass out barf bags in church
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
