I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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