I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize