3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
