Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
