get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
