Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize