Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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