I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize