If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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