kristin has been a bad kristin
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize