I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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